Why is my Life Falling Apart? [The Victim Mindset & What to Do About It]

There are several types of mindset a person can develop as they go through their lives - often unconsciouslly as a result of their upbringing.

If you find yourself constaly asking why bad things happen to you, blaming others or complaining that life isn't fair - the problem may in fact be closer to home...

You may have inadvertently developed a Victim Mindset - which you need to fix ASAP.

The good thing is, you are here reading this, which means you are likely ready to make a change, which is the firat and most important part, so let's get into it...

Why is my Life Falling Apart?

I am going to assume there isn’t an obvious reason for why you are wondering 'why is my life is falling apart', for example, the death of a loved one or a serious life altering incident or diagnosis – because it would be pretty clear what the issue was and so you wouldn’t be looking for advice on how to find out what the issue is, right?

So, let’s work on the basis that it’s nothing like that…

Instead, maybe it’s relationship issues, financial trouble, problems at work, you’re overweight, always falling ill, everyone’s got it in for you, tax is too high, it’s too hot, it’s not fair, it’s too cold…

The lists of complaints that people have about why their lives are seemingly falling apart can go on and on and on, blaming everyone and everything, but often they forget to put the blame in the one place it matters…

Themselves.

Breaking the Victim Mindset: Taking Responsibility for Your Life

A victim mindset can be one of the most destructive forces in our lives.

When we blame others for our problems instead of taking responsibility for our own lives, we give away our power to change things and instead, leave ourselves at the mercy of ‘hoping’ that someone or something will change for us.

It seldom does.

This can lead to feelings of helplessness and hopelessness and can make it difficult to take action to improve our situations, which results in things getting worse and starting to spiral out of control if left unchecked.

One way to break the victim mindset is to focus on the things we can control.

Instead of dwelling on things we can't change, we should focus on the things we can change and take action to improve them.

Another way is to practice gratitude and focus on the things we are thankful for. When we focus on what we have instead of what we don't have, it helps us to appreciate our current situation, and realise that there are people in much worse situations than we are in.

It's not always easy to take responsibility for our own lives, but it's an essential step in the process of putting our lives back together. When we take responsibility for our own lives, we empower ourselves to make positive changes and to move forward.

It's also important to remember that breaking the victim mindset is an ongoing process, it's an attitude to cultivate over time. It's important to be aware of the tendency to blame others and make a conscious effort to shift the focus towards taking responsibility and taking action.

The key thing to takeaway is this – everything that happens in your life is YOUR FAULT. That includes the good AND the bad. 

Everybody is self-made but only the rich like to admit it.

If you are overweight, you eat too much and didn’t exercise enough; If you have money problems, you didn’t do enough to get a good job, or manage your money properly; If your relationship is bad, you chose to be with that person or treat your partner bad, whichever way around it is…

I’m not saying you can help what happens to you – we all get dealt a certain hand in life, but it is YOUR responsibility to own the hand you are dealt and do the best with it that you can.

No matter the situation, even if it is caused by somebody else, if it is affecting you then it is up to you to be mature enough to take responsibility to sort it out. What decisions could you have made differently? What will you change to make sure you don’t face the same situation again?

Don’t be the person that sits and complains about how bad their life is – just do something about it.

Les Brown says it best, “Don’t go telling people about your problems, because 80% of people don’t care and the other 20% are glad it’s you!”.

The realisation that you don’t have to live in a way that makes you feel like crap, feeling like your life is falling apart, and that you can do something about it anytime you want is so empowering.

Examples of the victim mentality

In case you are wondering whether the above applies to you, here are some examples of what having a victim mindset looks like…

• Blaming other people or external factors for problems: Instead of taking responsibility for our own lives, we blame others for our problems. For example, "I can't get a job because the economy is bad" or "My partner left me because they're not loyal".
• Playing the role of the helpless victim: Seeing ourselves as powerless and unable to change our circumstances. For example, "I can't do anything right" or "I'm stuck in this situation forever".
• Constantly seeking sympathy and validation from others: Constantly seeking validation and sympathy from others to justify your situation, instead of taking responsibility and doing something about it. For example, asking "why is my life falling apart" without accepting any responsibility for causing the situation.
• Making excuses for our behaviour: We make excuses for our behaviour, instead of taking responsibility for it. For example, “They mad me angry”, or "I was late because of traffic" instead of "I was late because I didn't plan my time well"
• Holding onto resentment and anger: We hold onto resentment and anger towards others for past wrongs, instead of letting go and moving on, and blame them for why we are the way we are.
• Playing the role of the persecuted: We see ourselves as persecuted and not being treated fairly, often even when evidence suggests otherwise – if we took the time to consider our own behaviour, we would see that it is us that is being unfair and inconsiderate to others.

If you can relate to any of the above, then that’s a clear sign that you need to work on your mindset.

Having a victim mentality is like being stuck in a quicksand. The more we struggle, the deeper we sink into the quicksand, and the harder it becomes to get out.

When we adopt the victim mentality, the more we blame others for the things that are going wrong in our lives, the more power we give away and the harder it becomes to change our circumstances and take control of our lives.

For any of the examples above, the solution is simple…

All you need to do is to make the decision to change – decide that enough is enough, and you are not going to live your life this way any more.

Next time you go to complain, or blame someone or something, or ask 'why is my life falling apart', instead ask yourself – what did you do to put yourself in the situation, and what would you change to avoid it in the future? 

More importantly - What can you do NOW to start changing things?

Do you need to apologise to someone? Do you need to get better at something – be more disciplined, or even take a class to get to the next level? Do you need to try harder?

Whatever it is, decide what agreat life looks like to you and what you need to change to get to that vision, then set yourself relevant goals towards achieving it.

Only you can make it happen, nobody can do it for you.

“If you don’t like where you are in life, then move. You ae not a tree.” Jim Rohn.

Finding Purpose and Setting Goals

A lack of purpose and direction can be another reason why our lives feel like they're falling apart. When we don't know what we want out of life, or why we're doing what we're doing, it's easy to lose motivation and direction.

One of the best ways to find purpose is to identify our passions and interests, and then to find ways to incorporate them into our lives. Whether it's through our careers, hobbies, or volunteer work, it's important to find ways to pursue the things that truly matter to us.

Or maybe it’s just removing whatever it is that’s causing you stress from your life – a behaviour, a person, a job…

In any case, setting goals is also an important part of finding our purpose. Goals give our lives meaning and direction, and without them, we can feel lost and aimless – you should always be working towards something.

As humans, we are programmed to need to feel like we are progressing towards something, and when we aren’t, it throws our minds into chaos and that’s when we get the feeling that our lives are falling apart.

It's important to set both short-term and long-term goals, and to make sure they are specific, measurable,achievable, relevant, and time-bound (SMART), and to remember that our goals and purpose may change over time.

As we grow and change, our goals and purpose may evolve, and that's okay. The important thing is to always be open to new possibilities and to be willing to adjust our goals and purpose as needed.

Another important aspect is to find a balance between setting realistic and challenging goals. Setting unrealistic goals can be discouraging, but on the other hand, setting easy goals will not push us to grow and achieve more.

The Power of Action: Taking Control of Your Life

One of the most important steps in taking back control of our lives is taking action. It's easy to feel overwhelmed and stuck when our lives feel like they are falling apart, but by taking action, we can start to make positive changes and move forward.

One of the most powerful things we can do is to make a plan. Whether it's a plan to find a new job, improve our relationships, or overcome an addiction, it's important to have a clear plan of action. 

By breaking our goals down into small, manageable steps, we can start to make progress and see results.

Be flexible and adaptable in your approach. Life can be unpredictable, and things may not go as planned. When this happens, don’t let it get you down – stay open to new possibilities and adjust your plan as needed.

Just take small actions every day. Consistency is key and small actions over time can lead to big results. It’s better to take small actions consistently over a long time than to go all in for a short time then quit.  Also remember that progress is not always linear, and it's ok if progress is slow at times.

Don’t forget to surround yourself with people who will support and encourage you in your efforts. A strong support system can make a huge difference in helping you to stay motivated and on track.

By taking action and taking control of your life, you can start to make positive changes and move forward. Change takes time and effort, but with persistence and determination, you can achieve your goals and put your life back together.

Real-Life Strategies for Putting Your Life Back Together

It's one thing to talk about the concepts of finding purpose, setting goals, taking action, and overcoming obstacles, but it's another thing to actually put these ideas into practice. Here are some real-life strategies for putting your life back together:

• Start a journal: Writingdown your thoughts and feelings can be a great way to process what's going on and to gain perspective. It can also be a helpful tool for setting goals and tracking progress.
• Make a vision board: A vision board is a collage of images, words, and phrases that represent your goals and aspirations. Creating a vision board can help you to focus on what you want and to stay motivated.
• Find a support system: Whether it's a therapist, a support group, family member or a trusted friend, having people to talk to can make a huge difference in helping you to stay motivated and on track.
• Take care of yourself: Make sure you're getting enough sleep, eating well, and getting regular exercise. Taking care of your physical health is essential for putting your life back together. Getting the basics right will make you feel more energised, focused and ready to take on the challenge.
• Be open to new possibilities: Sometimes things don't go as planned, and it's important to be open to new possibilities and to adjust our plans as needed. Remember that change is a normal part of life, and it's ok to pivot and try something new. Trust that the river bends – life may be taking you off course for a reason, stop fighting it and go with he flow!
• Reflect and Learn: Reflect on your past experiences and learn from them. This will help you to avoid making the same mistakes and to make better decisions in the future. Also, don’t be afraid of failure – it’s part of the process of learning – the more you fail the more you learn.
• Practice Mindfulness: Mindfulness can help you to stay present and focused on the present moment. This can help you to overcome negative thoughts, emotions, and habits and to focus on taking action towards your goals.
• Stop All Negativity: This includes negative self-talk and complaining about things. It does not serve you in any way, it only aims to poison your mind and sow the seeds of doubt, fear and laziness.

By implementing these real-life strategies, you can start taking concrete steps towards putting your life back together by getting focused and developing a success mindset.

Be the captain of your own ship – don’t be a passenger on the voyage of life wondering where you might end up. Take back control and set course to the destination that you choose.